I hope you enjoy my blog...if you do, please "follow" me! XOXOXO...BettyShmetty

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Seriously! Read my f*cking blog!


I hope you'll pardon me gentle reader, for this particular little darling of a blog entry is, in fact, a rant.  Yes, I am going to indulge my sense of indignation on this subject and air out my dirty laundry (well, not really air my dirty laundry, but it sounded good right there, I'll save the dirty laundry for later) and get this off my chest before I stab someone! (not really, but you know how sometimes you think something and don't actually do it?  well, I mean stab someone like that.)

So this morning, as I was cleaning my bathroom, I was thinking, "You know, no one in this bleepity bleeping house ever cleans the toilets except for me!"  Which got me to thinking about how the boys in my house don't know how to pee into the toilet.   I believe that boys/men are quite fine with the idea of splish splashing pee all over the sides of the toilet much like one might use salt in a recipe by "sprinkling liberally."  How the HELL does the pee get up under the toilet seat?  I am no physics major, but I'm pretty sure that when pee comes out of a penis, the laws of gravity apply and it should travel in a downward direction eventually reaching the water in the toilet bowl.  The pee should NOT be up under the toilet seat...it just shouldn't!

Anyway, believe it or not, that is not what this rant is about, but while I was contemplating this conundrum, I started to think about my husband and how he cleans the bathroom/toilets when he actually tries to do so.  He is a believer in "spraying something on it."  What this means is that when he sees something nasty (ie dirty toilets) he likes to spray a cleaner on it and wipe it around.  While this temporarily makes the situation smell better, it is certainly not clean.  As I was considering this thought and how I am the ONLY one in this house who ever cleans anything (I know, I am exaggerating, but this is my blog and I am ranting here, okay?) and because I was already in the process of mentally listing the faults of my husband another thought occurred to me...he never reads my blog (See?  Now the title is starting to make sense...try to keep up, I know I'm all over the place here.)

Now, maybe it's just me, but I am thinking, if I knew my spouse, whom I have lived with for over 20 years, suddenly began spending a not insignificant amount of daily time devoted to writing stuff on the internet, I MIGHT want to read it!  Am I crazy to think that he might want to know what's going on inside my head?  If nothing else, doesn't he think reading and then conversing with me about what I write might, at the very least, spark some interesting conversations?  He hasn't even read the posts about my crazy deranged mother and the stories of my childhood...you know, the events that helped turn me into the woman-on-the-edge I am now!  Of course, he's heard the stories before because I have told him most of that stuff, but in this blog, I turned most of that stuff into an amusing version of the story, not the sad/serious version he heard (the one that made him want to choke my mom...but I digress.)

He just isn't interested in it.  He thinks (and I know this because he literally, just now, asked me what I was blogging about this morning and I read him  the paragraph about the pee getting up under the toilet seat thinking it would amuse him...I got no reaction...nothing, not even a faint hint of a smile.) that women need an outlet for their feelings and a place where other women can chime in and support each other (yes, he said that...exactly as I just wrote it.)  He said my blog, "isn't written for men, because if a man was reading that, when they get to the second sentence you have there, they would think, hmmm...I wonder what's on the sports channel."  Now first of all, what the hell made him ask me what I was writing about NOW?  Does he have some weird esp thing?  How did he know I was writing about him?  (Not that he knew that, but still...) Very strange.

I can't figure it out, but he will probably never read what I write here unless I leave it up on the desktop and he accidentally looks at it before switching to the sports channel or some porn called "Pretty in Pink...Lesbians in Love"...Come to think of it, maybe he would actually read a post entitled "Pretty in Pink...Lesbians in Love!"  Maybe I should give that one a try ;)

7 comments:

CindyN said...

Di, Di, Di why on earth would you think/expect/desire that Kurt would have any real interest in reading something called, "BettySchmetty"??? Even if you wrote it?? Sweetie, men hope that when women blog they will get all their frustration and anger out in the blog and then they WON'T have to deal with it, converse about it, or listen to it!! And really, if he read it, he'd misinterpret everything (as men often do) and then some godawful argument would ensue as you tried, repeatedly to 'splain it to him a thousand times and his eyes are glazed over because he really didn't want to read the damn blog in the first place!!

As for the pee under the toilet seat...I told Mike either he sits and pees or we have separate bathrooms and I will never set foot near his disgusting room!! Rather than have to clean his own bathroom I assume he's sitting. No more pee UNDER the seat!!

Billie said...

Just wanted to say that I love your fucking blog.
Don't kill Kurt cause he is a man. He can't help it, really. None of them can and thank God for creating women. Men think of only one thing at a time and close everything else off, unknowingly. Women think of everything and everyone at once and are incapable of shutting down to just one thing on their mind.
http://www.prayingscriptures.com/think-introduction.shtml
This a great great link with a simple explanation of how men and women think differently and I hope it will make you feel better.
You are a beautiful, strong, brilliant, creative, inspiring, loving, unbelievable woman.
And your boys are old enough to learn to clean their own pee. That way, they will learn where to pee. Don't worry, pee isn't toxic.
If you want him to read your blog, tell him not to. : D
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

AnnaMarie said...

LOL !!!! Hey remember when mom was mad at Dad for smoking a cigar outside and when he came in the house and went into his bedroom she threw a screw driver so hard it got stuck half way threw the door ?? !! Kurt you better duck !!!!!!!!!!!! Love you and stop cleaning their bathrooms please !!! call them in there and supervise tell them over and over again how to do it until they get it right . So they will know when they live on their own how to clean or they will be asking you to come over and do it ... Hey mom I have a date tonight umm stop by when I am at work and clean my toilet for me and while your there can you straighten up , do laundry, vacuum, wash dishes etc... Thanks love you oh can't talk the other guys here at the the Firm want me to go to the roof with them and threw water balloons BYE click ! I love you sis cheer up and please stop stop stop doing it for them tell them you will higher a maid and take it out of their allowance This also includes Kurt . One BIG HUGE hug from me to you :))))

Dwija {House Unseen} said...

Lately I have been lax, I must confess. I have not been doing my duty. But you have inspired me to go back to doing what I always promised I would do: FORCING MY STUPID HUSBAND TO READ EVERY FREAKING BLOG ENTRY I WRITE!

He used to. In the beginning. He even laughed at the funny stuff. But now I think, because he hears my hilarious crap all the time, that none of this is new to him.

Do the lesbian post! Do it!

Ado said...

Oh I just loved this rant oops I meant post. I'm relatively new to blogging (4 mos) and noticed that my DH didn't read it - at all - until recently. My girlfriend said it was because he's afraid of what he might read about himself. (-: So i let him off the hook. Remember though - it's yours, your turf, your words, your space - so you could have the opposite problem of a partner who you feel is always reading your blog/reading too much into it etc. - and can you imagine how annoying THAT would be? So - maybe it's not such a bad thing? That toilet seat business, however, IS an actual problem. (How DOES it all get up UNDER the seat?! Ha!)

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

My husband doesn't read my blog, unless I tell him that there's an entry he might be interested in. E.g. the one I wrote about him! Honestly, it doesn't bother me because I don't have to worry about 'filtering' my writing. I just write what I please.

As for the pee thing, I am mystified.

Diana Burfield (BettyShmetty) said...

Ha! Cindy Allison and Ado, I have been educated! I get it and I think you are all exactly right! Why would I want him to read it when the fact that he doesn't can potentially allow me the freedom to write funny things about HIM! Brilliant!

I will not push the issue with him any longer. Thanks for all the input, insight, inspiration and insanity! I love you all for taking the time to comment and give me your 2 cents.

Billie, you are right, we are polar opposites and thank God for that!

The pee thing continues to be a mystery...maybe I'll figure it out and will then post a follow-up. Meantime, just so you all know, I have been working on the training of the young men in regards to cleaning the bathroom. It is a work in progress.

Anna, that is a scary look into the future...not gonna happen!

Dweej, I may just do that post...just for fun :)

xoxoxo,
Diana