Saturday, May 28, 2011
Seriously! Read my f*cking blog!
I hope you'll pardon me gentle reader, for this particular little darling of a blog entry is, in fact, a rant. Yes, I am going to indulge my sense of indignation on this subject and air out my dirty laundry (well, not really air my dirty laundry, but it sounded good right there, I'll save the dirty laundry for later) and get this off my chest before I stab someone! (not really, but you know how sometimes you think something and don't actually do it? well, I mean stab someone like that.)
So this morning, as I was cleaning my bathroom, I was thinking, "You know, no one in this bleepity bleeping house ever cleans the toilets except for me!" Which got me to thinking about how the boys in my house don't know how to pee into the toilet. I believe that boys/men are quite fine with the idea of splish splashing pee all over the sides of the toilet much like one might use salt in a recipe by "sprinkling liberally." How the HELL does the pee get up under the toilet seat? I am no physics major, but I'm pretty sure that when pee comes out of a penis, the laws of gravity apply and it should travel in a downward direction eventually reaching the water in the toilet bowl. The pee should NOT be up under the toilet seat...it just shouldn't!
Anyway, believe it or not, that is not what this rant is about, but while I was contemplating this conundrum, I started to think about my husband and how he cleans the bathroom/toilets when he actually tries to do so. He is a believer in "spraying something on it." What this means is that when he sees something nasty (ie dirty toilets) he likes to spray a cleaner on it and wipe it around. While this temporarily makes the situation smell better, it is certainly not clean. As I was considering this thought and how I am the ONLY one in this house who ever cleans anything (I know, I am exaggerating, but this is my blog and I am ranting here, okay?) and because I was already in the process of mentally listing the faults of my husband another thought occurred to me...he never reads my blog (See? Now the title is starting to make sense...try to keep up, I know I'm all over the place here.)
Now, maybe it's just me, but I am thinking, if I knew my spouse, whom I have lived with for over 20 years, suddenly began spending a not insignificant amount of daily time devoted to writing stuff on the internet, I MIGHT want to read it! Am I crazy to think that he might want to know what's going on inside my head? If nothing else, doesn't he think reading and then conversing with me about what I write might, at the very least, spark some interesting conversations? He hasn't even read the posts about my crazy deranged mother and the stories of my childhood...you know, the events that helped turn me into the woman-on-the-edge I am now! Of course, he's heard the stories before because I have told him most of that stuff, but in this blog, I turned most of that stuff into an amusing version of the story, not the sad/serious version he heard (the one that made him want to choke my mom...but I digress.)
He just isn't interested in it. He thinks (and I know this because he literally, just now, asked me what I was blogging about this morning and I read him the paragraph about the pee getting up under the toilet seat thinking it would amuse him...I got no reaction...nothing, not even a faint hint of a smile.) that women need an outlet for their feelings and a place where other women can chime in and support each other (yes, he said that...exactly as I just wrote it.) He said my blog, "isn't written for men, because if a man was reading that, when they get to the second sentence you have there, they would think, hmmm...I wonder what's on the sports channel." Now first of all, what the hell made him ask me what I was writing about NOW? Does he have some weird esp thing? How did he know I was writing about him? (Not that he knew that, but still...) Very strange.
I can't figure it out, but he will probably never read what I write here unless I leave it up on the desktop and he accidentally looks at it before switching to the sports channel or some porn called "Pretty in Pink...Lesbians in Love"...Come to think of it, maybe he would actually read a post entitled "Pretty in Pink...Lesbians in Love!" Maybe I should give that one a try ;)