After a great visit with my sister-in-law Cindy, I feel really good! I have missed having girlfriends around me. As I started writing this blog, I mentioned that my sister had moved to Hawaii and a couple of close friends had also moved away. Writing here has helped ease the empty space that has formed in the wake of losing my girls, but honestly, sometimes you just need the face time with another woman.
I speak to my sister on a regular basis on the phone. Even with the 6 hour time difference, we are managing to stay in touch, but it's not the same. Sometimes I find myself wanting to talk to her and knowing she's asleep. Sometimes, I just want to go to a thrift store with her. She is fun to be around and can make friends with anyone. She loves finding quirky shops and likes to get to know the shop owners. Some of her very good friends are people she met walking into a shop or restaurant. I miss her.
The girlfriend void is more complicated. Something happened with my friends about a year ago. Actually, in retrospect, what happened is that I found out that people are judgmental (even those that you think you can trust with anything are not really like that.) I had some friends (one in particular) that I trusted like that...like a sister. I found out the hard way that I was being naive. People will always have their opinions about what is right or wrong and no matter how close you think you are to someone, they can judge and hurt you just like everyone else. There really are very few people walking around that you can trust like that. Unfortunately, the people who are left in my life in the wake of what happened, those who are true friends, don't live near me. They are there, but there is far from here.
My sister is not judgmental like that, not with me. She loves me unconditionally. She doesn't care what I have done or will do. I know I can count on her to have my back, to be there for me, to love me. She remembers our history. She knows about the sacrifices we have made for each other over the years. She remembers these things even after we have disagreements that get ugly...because, of course, we occasionally have these.
Having Cindy here reminded me how much I actually need that in close proximity. Everyone needs that kind of love and support. Since my "friends" hurt me, I am finding that I am developing "friendships" with my fellow online bloggers. I find myself talking or confiding in those that read my blog, not just a flesh and blood woman. It comes close...especially when those of you who read these posts actually comment and tell me what you think about what I've written here. It's almost like a conversation...almost.
Cindy and I had some great talks about the things we have in common...husbands, kids, baseball and mothers who think you are doing everything wrong. We walked on the beach and searched for sea glass together. We rode the slides at the Rapids and laughed so hard we cried. We rolled our eyes when our kids ignored us and dove into the dirty pond water anyway and we had a glass of wine to make it all better. It was good having her here and I am going to miss her.