I hope you enjoy my blog...if you do, please "follow" me! XOXOXO...BettyShmetty

Monday, November 28, 2011

Tonight's dinner conversation...horny squirrels and sex partners

Photo credit

As you all know, we are sometimes prone to rather colorful dinner conversations around here.  Tonight's...

As Jack was telling me about the protagonists in a movie he was watching, I suddenly remembered the squirrels I had seen while walking Russell an hour before.

Me:  Oh!  I forgot to tell you guys about the mating squirrels I saw earlier!  (That quickly got their attention and it was quiet as all eyes turned to me.)

Kurt:  Mating squirrels?

Me:  Yeah!  The girl squirrel jumped on the tree in front of us (Russell and me) and then the boy ran after her.  She twitched her tail a few times and then he jumped on her back!  (I'm smiling as I tell it...it's funny and I can't help it.)

Kurt:  You know, that story reminds me of when we made these two guys (nudging his head towards the boys).  You twitched your tail and I jumped on your back!

Me:  You mean the TWO times we had sex and conceived these guys?

Kurt:  Yeah.

Jack:  Yeah, and daddy said, "That's the signal, green light!  Go!" (as he made a humping motion)

Jack:  All of this brings a question to my mind, Dad.  How many people...

Me:  (thinking)  Wow, there are so many possibilities of things that one could insert in there, he wouldn't possibly ever ask how many people his dad ever had sex with.

Jack:  How many people...have you been sexually engaged with?

Me:  (Looking at Kurt)  Oh my gosh!  You know, I thought about that ending to that question, but as I sat here and thought of all the possibilities for filling in the end of that sentence, I just KNEW that wouldn't be the question that would come out of his mouth!

Kurt:  (Choking on his food)  I know!  I thought of it too, but really didn't expect him to ask that!  You are the one (pointing at me) that started this!

Me:  I did not!

Kurt:  Yes you did, you were talking about horny squirrels.

Me:  No, I just told a story of the mating squirrels I saw.  You are the one that turned it into a comparison on how we conceived our children!  It's your fault!

Jack:  Well???

Me:  Just each other.  (The kids looked like they didn't even come close to buying that, but I really am not ready for that conversation.  You know, the one where the kids discuss your number and whether or not you fall into this category or that.  No, I am really not ready for that.  Better for them to just keep hearing that you wait for your one true love and that there really IS a Santa and a Tooth Fairy and an Easter Bunny.)

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Confessions of a working (outside of the home) mom.

First of all, let me say this, I get that being a mom is a job all by itself.  I have been doing it since my kids were born (obviously) and working on and off in between.  I have run my own design business in the last few years, but that was part-time at best since the economy tanked.  I have said many times that being a stay-at-home mom is a tough job that you don't get paid money for.  You definitely get payoffs, but they are not monetary.

I have gone back to full-time, outside of the home work as a police officer.  I am still responsible for my other job as well.  I am enjoying the police work tremendously.  It is satisfying and it also rewards me with a paycheck every two weeks.  I have received two so far!  Here's the thing though.  My other job has been suffering in the transition.  I have come to the realization that I am not able to do everything like I used to.  Here is a list of the areas I am deficient in at the moment...(consider this my counseling statement to myself)...

1.  My house is no longer clean.  There is dog hair and dust everywhere.  Plus?  My kids' bathroom smells like a urinal...GROSS!

2.  I no longer cook meals every night.  Kurt has definitely been picking up the slack here, but there have been many nights when I have opted to pick up KFC or Mickey D's rather than cook.

3.  I have not been on top of my kids about their homework.

4.  I go to bed nearly two hours before my kids on most nights.  I have been getting up at either 4 or 5 a.m. and by 7:30, I am toast.  I just can't keep my eyes open.  I'm in bed by 7:30 and lights out by 8:00.  Pathetic, I know.

5.  My kids have to get themselves up and ready for school in the mornings with NO ONE HOME!  I no longer cook them a hot breakfast each morning.  My poor, neglected children now eat a bowl of cereal instead of eggs.  Then they get themselves dressed, walk the dog and lock the house as they leave.

6.  I have not been taking my son to the batting cages every day.  Again, with the work schedule and the busy zone I work in, I am exhausted at the end of the day.  Jack's hitting has suffered because of this.
**Side note, I did take him this past week (I've been working on this post for 2 weeks...do you see a pattern of behavior here??) and today at his game, he hit a home run with 2 RBI's!  See?  He really needs to hit those cages so he can do well!

7.  I haven't been working out.  Or even watching what I eat.  Some days, I don't even get to eat because I am so busy, but then I make up for it when I get home...ugh!  I keep intending to start over tomorrow.  I'm definitely starting over tomorrow!

8.  I have a very short fuse these days.  In other words, I am frequently a bitch to all of the male species living in my house.  Sorry Guys!  Mommy is trying to adjust!

There you have it.  I am a slacker in the mommy department.  I am trying to improve.  One thing is certain though, I do love getting that pay check every two weeks and also, I love my job and the people I work with.  It's all exhausting, but it is still good.  I will get better at doing all of this, I promise.