Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Showing my ass
Ha! Well, not exactly. Since I started working out again, I have become reaquainted with workout clothing. I haven't found anything that adequately covers up the part of my body that I am most self-conscious of...my ass.
I mean, really, I have this pair of cute, low-rise sweatpants that I used to wear around all the time with colorful tank tops thinking it was, well, cute and sort of hid my giant ass. One day, I don't know what possessed me, but I decided to pick up a hand mirror and turn around to get a look at my rear view.
As I took a look in that mirror, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Not only were those cute (junior-cut, extra large sized) sweatpants not attractive on my from behind, I found that my entire backside, including my back and upper arms, was horrifying! I just couldn't believe that was me! Even though I knew that I was over-weight (I have been wearing a size 14 and could feel myself needing to go shop for 16s) I am one of the "lucky" ones who wears the weight evenly distributed on my body. Although I do, of course, get bigger when I gain weight, it is all distributed throughout my body, so it's not quite as noticeable (to me) as the pounds start to creep up. It kind of sneaks up on me. I don't get a giant belly (although I do get soft and doughy around the middle and have 3 rolls when I sit down) I just grow, well, everywhere.
So, back to what I was saying before, I was looking in this mirror because I was checking the rear-view, for whatever reason, and I was shocked at how fat I looked from behind. I knew I had to do something. I was so embarrassed.
So, for further torture, I went and purchased some yoga pants to walk and work out in. Now, I don't know about you, but I was sort of thinking that if I found some really cute, color coordinated workout clothes, specifically, YOGA clothing, I would look svelte and "put-together" while I worked to sweat my ass off! So, imagine my horror when I got my new, super-cute, boot-cut, yoga pants with the colorful, fold-over band around the hips on my ass and looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that, not only did I still look fat, (REALLY??) but the cotton and spandex yoga pants cupped the bottom of my ass in such a way as to ENHANCE the effect of the lumps and depth of the "hidden pocket" formed where my ass cheeks met my upper thighs!! (Have you ever heard of the thing where you can check the status of your sagging boobs by doing the pencil test? No? Google it. Anyway, I could not only hold a pencil in those folds, I could have held a ruler in there and you wouldn't be able to see it. Seriously. I know. Sorry.)
I knew one thing. I needed to cover that up immediately! So, over my super-cute new yoga pants went one of my workout jackets. Tied around the waist. Like this:
In my mind, even though adding more fabric and bulk around the middle seems to draw attention to and widen the problem area, covering up that well-cupped fold-over and lumpy, wide view, was much more important to my delicate ego in it's current, weakened condition. So, in cute yoga clothing with a bulky jacket tied around my middle, I started walking and running, then running, then injuring and rehabbing, then walking/running, then injuring, then rehabbing and walking, and walking and working out with weights and stationary biking and eliptical trainering, all the while trying to eat clean and healthy, my way to last night. When I put on my super cute yoga pants and got ready to tie my jacket around my waist and, for some reason, stopped to check the rear-view mirror...
You know that fold-over thingie at the bottom of my ass that I was talking about earlier?? Well, it's still there. A little. I mean, it's MUCH SMALLER. And my ass doesn't quite look so broad! And the folds at my waist in the back? Gone on one side, and NEARLY gone on the other! 13 pounds. I haven't thought it is much. But it's a LOT! In my rear-view mirror.
So, you know what I did last night? I went for a very long walk and sweated my ass off. As usual. But, without a jacket tied around my waist. And I felt really, really good.