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Showing posts with label Random Musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Musings. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Writing prompt..."Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it."

Russell.  Russell is my totally useless possession.  Russell is my dog.  He's totally useless.  And annoying.  Plus?  He sheds.  A lot.  I don't know what I was thinking when I was thinking we NEEDED to get a dog.  I thought that since we are a family with 2 boys, we needed to have a dog so we could be more well-rounded.  Also, a dog would be fun.  And teach my boys some resonsibility, you know, how to take care of and care for, something besides themselves (not that they take care of themselves because I don't want to mislead you here by any means!)


I found his picture online and fell in love immediately.  I knew he would be mine.  He looked frisky and curious and, well, ADORABLE!!


This was him when we first met him at the rescue.  See what I mean?  We were suckers and fell for his sweet puppy breath and playful nature.  Plus, he was only going to be around 10 pounds when fully grown.  Little did we know...



He started to grow, but was still small enough to dress up for special occasions like Thanksgiving...


Or Christmas...


He now weighs 30 pounds.  Oh, I know he's cute and all.  He's lucky he's cute.  At this point, it's the only thing he's got going for him...he still has accidents, he jumps on people when they visit, he thinks he has a higher rank in our pack than Jack (he tries to hump him all the time), and he sheds...alot!


Still, he IS smart and has learned lots of cool tricks like giving high 5's (I know it's a high 10 if it's both paws, but "high 5" is easier to say) he can sit and stay and spin around like he's dancing.  He can fetch (sort of) and play tug of war.  I would say when I am not pissed off at him, he can actually be entertaining at times.  So maybe he's not TOTALLY useless.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

What ever happened to the good old days when kids were grossed out at the thought of their parents having SEX?

 Is it just me or has something changed?  It seems to me that I remember kids used to be completely grossed out and disgusted when they saw some indication that their parents, at times, actually engaged in sexual activity.  I'm fairly certain that most kids used to favor the belief that their parents only had sex the one time they were conceived, or maybe that they were conceived immaculately, with no need for sex at all.  Aren't kids supposed to run out of the room screaming "My eyes!  My eyes!" when they catch their dad copping a feel of their mom's ass?


My kids not only don't seem to mind the cop feeling grope sessions that happen in my kitchen, they actually encourage them!  How's this for a reaction?

"Yeah Daddy!  Get some!"

or this..."Put the moves on her Dad!"

or the ever popular, "Oh yeah!  Squirsh it!  Squirsh it good!"

My kids have apparently been so indoctrinated into the routine dry humping sessions that occur when I am bent over loading the dishwasher, that it's just business as usual in our house.  They laugh at us when I swat Kurt away and say things like, "Uh huh, Mommy and Daddy gonna get busy!" to which their dad responds, "Yeah! Isn't Mommy yummy?"


Sarah Palin is like the ultimate soccer mom...do her kids encourage Todd to grab her ass once in a while?  Are mommies the sex goddesses of the New Millennium?  Are jeans and food-stained t-shirts the new black?  When did this happen and why are my kids so okay with all this talk of parental sex???   What the HELL is going on here anyway?

Saturday, July 9, 2011

on the verge of...something...

I have it tonight...the feeling that there is a giant hole in my gut.  The feeling that tells me I missed...something... along the way.


I have noticed that I get this feeling, this emptiness, when I contemplate who I am and how I got here.  I get this feeling when I start to think about the me that was there when I was on the verge of becoming...something.

The empty place opens up every time I think about the fact that I didn't go to college after high school.  I was accepted at three schools, Baylor and UT in Texas and Florida State in Tallahassee.  I enrolled in Florida State.  I was all set to go.

My mom decided, right before the fall semester started, that we needed to move to Orlando because Tallahassee was bad.  Something bad had happened to her (she was accused of shoplifting in an Albertson's grocery store by a clerk and the police took her to the station to search her.  They found nothing and let her go, but the damage was done.)  My mom never stayed any place where something bad happened to her.  She had a long track record of running away.  Of disappearing and remaking herself.  And bringing us (my sister and I) along in the wake.  To start again from nothing.  To be the new kids.  Again.

When she told me she was moving and that I was coming with her, I wanted to tell her "no."  I wanted to say that I would stay and go to school...but I didn't.  I helped her pack our things and then we moved.  Just like that.  Away from school.  Away from what could have been, if only...

It's hard for me to think about that now.  As silly as it is, when I think about the fact that I didn't stand up for myself and figure out a way to do what I wanted (needed) to do, I am sad way down inside.  If only I had been the person I am now, I would have done it.  I would have stood up to her.  I would have stayed and gone to school like I had planned.

It surprises me how much it all still hurts me.  I am married and have had a successful career in law enforcement and I have my sons.  I don't regret my life as it is, I just miss what I missed.

I don't think that going to college and getting a BA or JD would have made me a better person.  That is not what I am talking about.  It's just, I guess I regret not having had the possibilities that were right there.  Maybe it's just the fact that I didn't even try to do it that really bothers me.  The fact that I gave in so easily and went with my mother, whom I hated.  Why would I do that?  How could I have done that?  Did I just admit that I hated my mother?

Tonight, my friend Kelli told me she is getting her masters in writing.  She is living in a dorm right now and somehow making it work even though she has a family at home.  I envy her.  I feel the hole in my gut.

Could I have gotten here from there?  From Florida State?  What if I had gone there and become the civil rights attorney that I had planned on being?  Would I have met Kurt and had my sons?  I don't know.  It's not that I am ungrateful for the things I have, the blessings, the bounty, not at all.  It's just that sometimes I wonder what would have been there in its stead.  I went to school part time while I worked as a police officer.  I got my AS degree from the community college.  It was enough to get me promoted at work.  It wasn't enough to fill up that hole.

I don't like this feeling...this empty ache.  I don't know what to do about it except to write it down in an attempt to get it out...examine it and then put it away...until next time...when I feel like I am on the verge of...something...indefinable.

Monday, May 30, 2011

I'm a trash picker from way back...Memorial Day memories of things that have shaped me.


Yes, I said trash picker and that's exactly what I meant.  I come by my trash-picking ways quite honestly actually.  You see, my granddaddy was a pig farmer.  No, really!  He really was a pig farmer.  He also had cows, chickens and ducks.  Granddaddy had two farms.  One was in Live Oak and the other was in Miami.  He owned the farm in Live Oak for a long time until he finally sold it and moved south to Miami because the cold weather during the winter bothered his arthritis.  I have some really cool memories of going to stay on the Live Oak farm when I was really little and some that aren't quite as happy as well.  He leased the land for the farm in Miami (which was located right where the Aventura Mall is today) and it is that farm helped turn me into the trash-pickin' mama I am today.

This is not my Granddaddy's farm, but I remember the pig pens looking just like this one.

What, you ask, does pig farming have to do with trash picking?  Well Granddaddy, you see, had to feed his pigs every day.  To do this, he would wake up at 3 a.m. and go on his "rounds" as he called them.  Granddaddy had cultivated symbiotic relationships with grocery stores, bakeries and Dunkin Donuts in the area of his farm.  He would drive to each of his stops and would pick up donuts, produce or baked goods that would otherwise have been thrown out.

Most of the places he picked up at would put the goods out near the dumpster at the back of the store, but others didn't do this.  They would load up the dumpster and my granddaddy would, well, dive in and get the good stuff out.  After making the rounds, he would go to his farm and "slop the pigs."

One time, my sister and I got to wake up early and go out with Granddaddy.  We may have been 7 or 8 years old at the time, but I am not sure.  What I remember is this, my grandfather was a happy, hard-working man. He always looked old to me...he had white hair and was slightly bent over.  His was a little bow-legged and sort of waddled when he walked.  I know he had trouble with his back and he took "kidney pills" (Doan's backache pills.)  He smelled a little odd (due to the dumpster diving?) but not offensive, like a combination of farm smells, sweat, Avon "Old Country" aftershave, and Absorbine Junior liniment.  His fingers (every single one of them!) was wrapped with white medical tape because he was constantly cutting them on things in the dumpsters or on the crates the produce came in.  He did not complain about getting up that early because it was what he did.  In the cab of his truck, there were papers piled high on the dash board.  I don't know what all those papers were, but to him, they were important and he knew where everything was even though it just looked like a big mess to me.  The seat in his truck was a bench seat and my sister and I would fight over who got to sit next to Granddaddy because he was such a love. 

On the day we went with him, Granddaddy went to the Dunkin Donuts first.  As he loaded the boxes stacked at the back of the store into the truck, he grabbed one of the donut boxes and gave it to us to eat.  Wow!  What a treat that was!  Our mom never let us eat donuts!!  We scarfed those down and then were on to the Publix.  There, he loaded up the produce and introduced us to some of the people from the store...he was very proud of us because we were so well behaved (thanks to mom's iron fist) and everyone complimented us on how helpful we were for coming out early and keeping Granddaddy company.  After he was finished loading the produce, I saw Granddaddy hop into the dumpster to see if there was anything "good."  He came out a short time later with a box full of dented cans missing their labels and a few "perfectly good" loaves of bread which he put into the cab with us.


More stores, more dumpsters.  Each time, Granddaddy would put a little something extra from the dumpsters into the cab of the truck.  We didn't know what was in the dented, label-less cans, but Granddaddy said it was wasteful to let them go "to the dump."  Later, after we got home, we added the boxes and cans to the other stacks of boxes and cans in our "dining room" at the house.  Later, when it was time to cook supper, we would open a can...would it be cat food?  Dog food?  Tuna fish?  We never knew till we opened the can.  Conveniently, if it were food for dogs or cats, we had plenty of those around to feed as well.  Those kinds of early teachings kind of stuck with me.  My mom must have had her share of life lessons in this regard as well, because she was a garbage picker too.

At that particular time, my mom was married to Bill.  He was her 7th husband and the one I remember best.  Bill was a nice, quiet man and I can't for the life of me figure out why he married my mom.  He seemed to be pretty smart, but then again, how smart could he have been to marry my mom??  Well anyway, he was a golf-cart repair man as well as a "junker."  Isn't it funny how people come together?  So Bill the junker and my mom would take Anna and me out "junking." on Friday nights.  In the late afternoon, we would hit the hot spots where people used to just go and dump stuff in Miami.  Now I remember we had quite a few places we would go to do this.  It was the 70's and people were just starting to see public service messages on TV regarding littering (remember the Native American on his horse looking over the side of the interstate with a tear running down his cheek?) however, I remember that even we were guilty of throwing our empty McDonald's wrappers out of the windows of the car on the highway...everybody did it (can you even believe that???)  There were also plenty of areas where people would dump their stuff they didn't want anymore...stuff like furniture, old dishes, clothes, mattresses.  You name it, we found it.  We had a pickup truck and Anna and I would ride in the back on a sofa (conveniently taken from a dump) that was in the bed so we could be comfortable.

Upon arriving at a "good spot" we would all hop out of the truck and start sifting through the piles.  Sometimes, it was gross, but as a kid, I don't remember minding it too much.  My mom and Bill were looking for recyclable metals like copper and aluminum to take to the recycling place for cash, but Anna and I were looking for "goodies."  It was like a non-stop treasure hunt.  We would find boxes of stainless steel creamers from a restaurant, plates, and glasses from who-knows-where, metal cabinets that were great for storing things in a garage, old chairs, dressers and lamps and gosh, I don't know what else.  We would pile it into the back of the truck and then sort it out later that night at home.  The next morning, we would get up at 4 a.m. and go to the "swap meet" at the Tropical Drive-In off of Bird Road.  We would get there by 5 a.m. to set up and people would start walking around looking for a bargain.  I remember that we couldn't even see because the sun wasn't up and we were already selling things.  Anna and I always got to keep the money for the stuff we found and sold.  It was the coolest and funnest thing ever and I was hooked!


Since then, there have always been opportunities to loot a neighbor's trash pile and I never had a problem doing it.  I loved finding good things and taking them home...for FREE!!  I collected some really great things that I never would have been able to afford because, as you might have guessed, we didn't have a lot of money to spend on things that weren't necessary.  All of the decorations and furniture I ever had in my room as a child came from the dump, a neighbor's trash pile, Salvation Army or a thrift store.  I still love to search in Goodwill and Salvation Army (even to find cool furniture for my decorating clients) for a bargain.

Since I married Kurt, I have tempered my trash-picking ways, but haven't completely given them up.  Kurt did not come from a background like mine and is a little alarmed that someone might see me picking through a neighbor's trash pile.  He's also not a big fan of old and beaten-up (which I happen to love, it's called Shabby Chic!) so we really don't have much of anything left of my old pre-marriage treasures.  However, occasionally, I come home with something good from the trash.  In fact, the canopy we so happily cart to our sons' sporting events came right out of our neighbors garbage pile one Saturday morning. A small patched hole in the top later, we have a perfectly working $200 canopy for FREE!!  How sweet is that?  Oh, and by the way, trash-picking is eco-friendly, so I am very trendy in addition to being thrifty...love that!!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Middle-Aged Mom's Aspiring Professional Baseball Career Derailed by Pop in the Jaw

FRIENDLY GAME?

Diana Burfield, known to some as BettyShmetty, received a minor injury Saturday morning while playing a friendly game of catch with her son Jack.  "It was awesome!" said Jack, a 10 year old member of the Cardinal's travel baseball team.  "Mom was doing great!  I was throwing them really hard and she was catching them.  I kept telling her she was throwing like a girl, but what the heck, she is a girl!"


WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?

Seems that Jack threw a heater at his mom that took an errant bounce off her glove and hit her square in the left jaw.  "I was feeling really good about myself...wondering why I hadn't maybe pursued a career in professional ball years ago when the ball hit me.  I've been hit in the jaw before when I was a police officer, but that hit came from a woman.  This was definitely harder than that...I think I saw stars right before the lights went out."  Diana's husband Kurt was able to revive her with some ice and a neck rub.

"I THINK I'M DONE"


While Diana was hoping to receive the "Mother of the Year" award for her dedication to her two boys' extracurricular sports and scouting pursuits, she has decided to leave the practice sessions to her husband and sons.  With a stiff neck and a slight bruise, she is content to sit on the sidelines and watch from now on.  "I guess I've learned that not even I can do everything."  Diana says that her next sporting attempt should prove much safer than baseball...amateur pole dancing on the pole on her back patio.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Little boys...

I came across this picture yesterday...It's my son Jack.


Do you remember being a kid?  Having no worries beyond the need to build a fort?...in a tree?...barefoot?